splinters make it hard to masturbate
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
