how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
