i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
