I'm eating all of the evidence.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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