It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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