I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
We are two peas in an std pod
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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