he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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