I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
