Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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