I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
