Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
