Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
