You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I supernannyed him into submission
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
