I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
