I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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