okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
They have beer where we have blood.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
