Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
