dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
