When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
