i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The maid of honor just puked.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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