You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
