dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
