I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
