what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
