uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
