i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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