Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
