Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
More tranny stories later!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
