maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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