ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
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