The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
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