Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
