Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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