I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
