Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You need a sexual gate keeper
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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