I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
