I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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