i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
