oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize