WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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