I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
