last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
