Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
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