this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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