i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
