From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
