He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
