I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
