And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
