Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
