WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
