I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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