i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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