This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
