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so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
