Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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