so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
