I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
