Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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