Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
