oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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