ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize