he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Mom said you looked used
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
