he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
