The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
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