what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
