so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
