lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
