i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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