How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
