Fine. I'll sleep in my office
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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