Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
