i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
