D3 body, D1 cock
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
