O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
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