Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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