its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
