Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
