I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
