Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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