speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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