She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
