He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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