he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
