And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize