my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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