He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
