yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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